Don't Talk to Me

Arsenal Fans Smash the Guinness World
Record for Most Haircuts in a 1 mile radius

Did yer go against Arsenal?

I went, borrowed me neighbour's seasie, good spec it is,but what's it like eh? Everton playing with one up front,at home, it's a friggin' disgrace, that's what it is, what's that Moyes playing at?

Saha moves like I do when I'm goin' for me pension.  Get rid of 'im, he's shot it and what's with that fuckin' orange hairdo, which barber is responsible for that?

I still watch our matches on Sky, like, in the Griffin on Bankhall Street, but I don't know, how are we going to score goals with that Saha and Yakubu,they're both shite.  I seen Joe Royle score some crackers home and away and why do we look scared of teams? I know what I'd do with that Fibreglass feller who plays for the Gunners, gerrim' a proper job for a couple of weeks at United Molasses in Bootle, he'd not last two fuckin' minutes with them fellers I used to work with. Hard man? Don't talk to me about hard men, Johnny Mogsy would've farted and blown him into Goodison Road.

That Howard Webb doesn't know his job, gave them everything he did, the fuckin' laughing policemen. Why didn't he send that lad off when he tripped Saha up? That's the rule nowadays isn't it? On the way out, some lad said it was because he wasn't running towards goal? Yer wha? What was he running towards, then, the friggin' bus stop on Walton Lane? Dont' talk shite.

Why haven't they cleaned them panels on the side of the Main Stand? 'Ave yer seen the state of them? Why doesn't Mr Kenwright take his Judy down to B&Q for some fuckin' Brillo pads or something, they've been like that since Joe Harper scored on his debut.

What's with that Chang beer? Awful stuff it was, like lukewarm Threlfall's from the 1960's, no wonder young fellers are always getting involved in behaviour if they're drinking that stuff.  And why do we need a friggin' elephant on our jerseys? And it's having a piss as well, we've got sprinklers for that sort of thing and it's Goodison Park, not sodding Knowsley Safari Park.  I blame the board meself, why do we need a foreign sponsor? What's wrong with Schoey's Lemo,or Alpine?

I like that Cahill feller, he's a trier, but when's he going to have his other arm coloured in?  A good lad he is, but he's too thin, he needs some milk stout down him and some black pudding and scouse.  It's all fuckin' broccoli and Perrier water these days, no wonder they're always injured. Can yer imagine Dixie drinking mineral water? He didn't take any chat from any opponents that feller, and he once had a shite in the centre circle at Goodison, that's how much he was revered at Everton.

I like that Pienaar as well, he's a bit like Bobby Collins used to be, but Bobby never had a woman's hairdo or played in fuckin' gloves. I can't stand it when they wear gloves, that's a softshite cockney's trick, like them ponces today. You know the one's I mean, don't yer, like that Lasagne who scored their first goal.

I suppose we were a bit unlucky today and the referee gave us nott'n, but we've got to do better and that Arteta plays some lovely stuff, but he was poor today, he looked as if he'd had merrder with his missus before he went to catch the bus to the match.

Look, Mikel lad, she knows where yer are, so just fuckin' get stuck in and offer to wash up when yer get home.  And who’s done that Phil Neville's hair, the corpy? Get some Brylcreem on it lad, yer look like a Mancunian, an’ yer one of us now, so no more of that shite.

I won't be going for a while now, but I'll be keeping an eye on our results and we need to move up the table a bit, or they'll start throwing cushions onto the pitch again when we get beat at home.

I had a pint in the Tramway on the way home, what's with all this drinking lager out of bottles? Load of tarts, if y'ask me.

Grumpy Arse.